The one thing you can’t buy and MUST have at your wedding

I recently ventured down to southern California to celebrate my cousin’s wedding. 

Yes, I am one of THOSE people who take pictures out the plane window.

As a wedding designer, you would think I would have taken a million photos of the wedding decor to share with you…

Ironically, I took exactly ZERO photos of the wedding design. Wait! I found one photo of the decor (see below). So while I completely failed at capturing the design of the wedding and I can’t quite show you what the wedding looked like, I can tell you what it felt like. 

My one photo of the wedding decor

I walked away from this wedding full of so much joy, that it got me thinking about how the experience of a wedding and the feeling created by a wedding means so much more than a wedding  color palette ever will. 

My mom, sister, I pre-wedding day rain showers

The thing is you can plan and plan and plan some more, curating every last design detail of your event, but if you guests walk away with a lackluster experience then what does it matter if the satin ribbons on your reception chairs were tied a certain way?

What matters most is the feeling, the vibe, the experience your wedding creates. Sure, design can help bolster these things, but in order to do that you have to get REALLY clear on the kind of experience you want your guests to have at your wedding. How do you do that? Allow me to expand…

• Pick 3 words

• Write down 3 words you want your wedding to feel like or 3 emotions you want your guests to experience at your wedding

• Have your partner do the same thing and write down 3 words they want the wedding to feel like

• Come together to share your words, explain why you chose them, and work together to create a final list of 3 words you both agree on for your wedding

• As you make decisions on your wedding (from flowers to music at the reception), keep these 3 words in mind and make sure the decisions you make align with those key feelings you’re wanting for your event

• Connect

• There are a lot of ways to connect with your guests throughout your wedding, there were a couple things at my cousin’s wedding I really loved that provided connection

• Sharing “the why” of the location - the reception was held in my Aunt and Uncle’s house. It was shared in the reception speeches that it had been my cousin’s dream to get married in their backyard. I loved this subtle and sweet connection made to why the location was chosen.

• Introducing the wedding party - I have been to A LOT of weddings in my day and I think this is only the 2nd time I’ve seen a couple do this. During the reception the couple took time to introduce each member of the wedding party to all the attendees. Sharing short and sweet things about how they’ve known each other, where they met, etc. I love this idea and it helps guests better connect with who is at the wedding.

• Spend time “making the rounds” to each table. This is something fairly common at weddings and I feel guests appreciate the gesture. The wedding couple makes time (usually during dinner) to visit each table and talk to their guests. The trick is not to get stuck at any one table too long, otherwise you’ll spend the whole night chatting and it leaves little time for dancing.

• Personalize

• By personalize I don’t mean monogram your dinner napkins (though you can do that if you want), but really find ways to infuse your personality and interest into your event. Here’s a couple of ways I love to do this:

• Party favors - choose something that represents you both. Love cats and wine? Create custom cat wine charms for your guests to take home (yes, this is a thing and yes, I suggested this for a past client who loved cats and wine). Wild about nature? Send your guests home with a seedling packet or pine sapling (yes, I’ve done this too!).Want to go deeper? Pick a charity or cause you are both passionate about and have a QR code for donations to that charity in lieu of favors.

Loved this party favor from a previous styled shoot I did

• Centerpieces - One of my favorite (and most time consuming) pieces of my own wedding design was the centerpieces. Every table featured black and white photos related to the guests seated at that table. For some tables there were pictures of my spouse in his marching days, for other tables it was me in my cheerleading days. It was a great way to honor the moments in our lives shared with the people at that table and also created a great conversation piece for guests.

Centerpieces from my wedding

Each selection of photos was customized to those at that assigned table

These are just a few ideas to help get your wheels turning on how your wedding can go beyond good color coordination. This is really a moment in time to express who you are as a couple and as individuals, it’s an opportunity to connect with those you love, and it’s of course a time for joy and celebration.

The wedding I went to could have easily gone awry. It was cold, it rained, the reception was outside. An outdoor spring wedding comes with its risks. Despite the weather,  the experience was magic. We danced the night away in the rain with family, with friends, and with complete strangers - we were there for the same reason to celebrate in love. 

Dancing so fast we’re blurry

My mom and I (and one of my uncles in the background #photobomb) - all completely drenched by the end of the night from the rain (note I did not wear waterproof mascara - rookie mistake)

And even though I’m still recovering from getting sick (see previous point about dancing all night in the rain), the wedding was pure joy and that’s a feeling now amount of wedding design can buy.

Congratulations Heather + Daniel - I had a BLAST dancing in the rain with you!